Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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