why didn't you poke me back
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
