Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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