don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
