I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My vagina just clenched in fear
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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