Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
