I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
