he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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