can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
