If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
