he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
