im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
