There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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