marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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