I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
