She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
