I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
