I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
