Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
