hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
