sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
