I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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