you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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