I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet he comes in French.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
