I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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