there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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