Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
