Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He felt like a one man threesome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
