I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
