my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
