cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
