I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
