I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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