we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm both gender and math confused
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
