Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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