considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My ass is underappreciated
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
