just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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