Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
