hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
