Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
