Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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