it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
