Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
