We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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