I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
