I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're completely useless in the revolution.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
