I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
