This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
