I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
