Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
