did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
